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|  Douglas Adams | The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. | |
| Franklin P. Adams | To err is human; to forgive, infrequent. | |
| Franklin P. Adams | There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. | |
| John Adams | I Said to my Wife, I have accepted a Seat in the House of Representatives and thereby have consented to my own Ruin to your Ruin and the Ruin of our Children. I give you this Warning that you may prepare your Mind for your Fate. | |
| John Adams | [D]emocracy will soon degenerate into an anarchy, such an anarchy that every man will do what is right in his own eyes and no man's life or property or reputation or liberty will be secure, and every one of these will soon mould itself into a system of subordination of all the moral virtues and intellectual abilities, all the powers of wealth, beauty, wit and science, to the wanton pleasures, the capricious will, and the execrable cruelty of one or a very few. | |
| John Quincy Adams | Law logic -- an artificial system of reasoning, exclusively used in courts of justice, but good for nothing anywhere else. | |
| Herbert Sebastien Agar | The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. | |
| Roger Allen | Congress is continually appointing fact-finding committees, when what we really need are some fact-facing committees. | |
| Woody Allen | We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice. | |
| Woody Allen | The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep. | |
| Oscar Ameringer | Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. | |
| Laurie Anderson | Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better. | |
| Anonymous Gold Miner | All and everybody, this is my claim, fifty feet on the gulch, cordin to Clear Creek District Law, backed up by shotgun amendments. | |
| Aristophanes | Under every stone lurks a politician. | |
| Thurman Arnold | The spectacle of a judge pouring over the picture of some nude, trying to ascertain the extent to which she arouses prurient interests, and then attempting to write an opinion which explains the difference between that nude and some other nude has elements of low comedy. | |
| Sir Francis Bacon | Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. | |
| Tallulah Bankhead | Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. | |
| Tallulah Bankhead | Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years. | |
| Tallulah Bankhead | I'm a foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right. | |
| Dave Barry | As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales. | |
| Dave Barry | The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and time again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club. | |
| Mayor Marion Barry | I promise you a police car on every sidewalk. | |
| Mayor Marion Barry | The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather. | |
| Mayor Marion Barry | I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa? | |
| Mayor Marion Barry | If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate. | |
| Gerald Barzan | Taxation with representation ain't so hot either. | |
| Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais | As long as I don't write about the government, religion, politics, and other institutions, I am free to print anything. | |
| Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais | Provided I do not write about the government, or about religion, or politics, or morals, or those in power, or public bodies, or the Opera, or the other state theatres, or about anybody who is active in anything, I can print whatever I want. | |
| Samuel Beckett | We are all born mad. Some remain so. | |
| Ernest Benn | Politics is the art of looking for trouble,finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. | |
| Yogi Berra | If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | History is an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Heathen, n. A benighten creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. | |
| Ambrose Bierce | Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third. | |
| William Blake | Where there is money there is no art. | |
| Bill Bonner | The entire world economy rests on the consumer; if he ever stops spending money he doesn't have on things he doesn't need -- we're done for. | |
| Daniel Boorstin | We must abandon the prevalent belief in the superior wisdom of the ignorant. | |
| Dr. Jim Boren | Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress. | |
| Dr. Jim Boren | Every bureaucrat has a constitutional right to fuzzify, profundify and drivelate. It's a part of our freedom of speech...If people can understand what is being said in Washington, they might want to take over their own government again. | |
| Dr. Jim Boren | Public apathy is more powerful than public opinion. There's more of it. | |
| Dr. Jim Boren | When in charge, ponder... When in trouble, delegate... When in doubt, mumble. | |
| Jorge Luis Borges | Reality is not always probable, or likely. | |
| James Bovard | Democracy must be something more than two
wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. | |
| Bertolt Brecht | Suppose they gave a war, and nobody came? Why then, the war would come to you! | |
| Ashleigh Brilliant | I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. | |
| Ashleigh Brilliant | I waited and waited, and when no message came, I knew it must have been from you. | |
| Ashleigh Brilliant | By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me. | |
| David Broder | Anybody that wants
the Presidency so much
that he'll spend two years
organizing and campaigning for it
is not to be trusted
with the office. | |
| Heywood Hale Broun | The urge to gamble is so universal and its practice so pleasurable that I assume it must be evil. | |
| Art Buchwald | Tax reform is taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven't been taxed before. | |
| Frank Gelett Burgess | Without bigots, eccentrics, cranks and heretics the world would not progress. | |
| Edmund Burke | They defend their errors as if they were defending their inheritance. | |
| George Burns | Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. | |
| George W. Bush | They misunderestimated me. | |
| Samuel Butler | There should be some schools
called deformatories
to which people are sent
if they are too good
to be practical. | |
| Sen. Robert C. Byrd | Is it any wonder, why the approval ratings of the Congress go up every time we go into recess? | |
| John Cage | I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. | |
| Simon Cameron | An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. | |
| Father Robert F. Capon | The world looks as if it has been left in the custody of trolls. | |
| Orson Scott Card | If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side. | |
| Thomas Carlyle | Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. | |
| Lewis Carroll | Contrariwise", continued Tweedledee, "If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic. | |
| Douglas Casey | Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. | |
| Henry Cate VII | The problem with political jokes is they get elected. | |
| Dick Cavett | There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? | |
| Gilbert Keith Chesterton | The Party System was founded on one national notion of fair play. It was the notion that folly and futility should be fairly divided between both sides. | |
| Gilbert Keith Chesterton | Any one of the strange laws we suffer is a compromise between a fad and a vested interest. | |
| Gilbert Keith Chesterton | For good or evil, a line has been passed in our political history; and something that we have known all our lives is dead. I will take only one example of it: our politicians can no longer be caricatured. | |
| Gilbert Keith Chesterton | The whole modern world has divided itself into Conservatives and Progressives. The business of Progressives is to go on making mistakes. The business of Conservatives is to prevent mistakes from being corrected. Even when the revolutionist might himself repent of his revolution, the traditionalist is already defending it as part of his tradition. Thus we have two great types -- the advanced person who rushes us into ruin, and the retrospective person who admires the ruins. He admires them especially by moonlight, not to say moonshine. Each new blunder of the progressive or prig becomes instantly a legend of immemorial antiquity for the snob. This is called the balance, or mutual check, in our Constitution. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But, it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | There are a lot of lies going around... and half of them are true. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. | |
| Sir Winston Churchill | Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. | |
| Quintus Tullius Cicero | Avoid any specific discussion of public policy at public meetings. | |
| Bill Clinton | You know the one thing that's wrong with this country? Everyone gets a chance to have their fair say. | |
| David B. Coblitz | A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. | |
| Mark B. Cohen | Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate. | |
| Calvin Coolidge | When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. | |
| Alan Corenk | Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. | |
| Georges Courteline | If it was necessary to tolerate in other people everything that one permits oneself, life would be unbearable. | |
| Noel Coward | I've over-educated myself in all the things I shouldn't have known. | |
| Abraham Cowley | Life is an incurable disease. | |
| Davy Crockett | There ain't no ticks like poly-ticks. Bloodsuckers all. | |
| John Culkin | We don't know who discovered water, but we are certain it wasn't a fish. | |
| Frank Dane | Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. | |
| Clarence S. Darrow | When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. | |
| Honore de Balzac | Bureaucracy is a giant mechanism operated by pygmies. | |
| James Frank Dobie | Conform and be dull. | |
| Alexandre Dumas | Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. | |
| Wayne Dunn | There was a time when Christians took faith as seriously as Mid-Eastern Muslims currently do: the Medieval Era. | |
| Finley Peter Dunne | An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court. | |
| F. R. Duplantier | A liberal's like to be lax\\When recommending a tax.\\With a glut in his heart\\And his brain low a quart,\\He will give you\\the shirts off our backs. | |
| Jimmy Durante | Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone? | |
| The Economist | This article will probably be photocopied and passed around the offices of exactly the same organizations that queue up to denounce copyright theft. | |
| Bob Edwards | Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. | |
| Ralph Waldo Emerson | Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing. | |
| Richard Feynman | There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. | |
| Larry Flynt | If the human body's obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not me. | |
| Steve Forbes | The Declaration of Independence, the words that launched our nation -- 1,300 words. The Bible, the word of God -- 773,000 words. The Tax Code, the words of politicians -- 7,000,000 words -- and growing! | |
| Benjamin Franklin | Moderation in all things -- including moderation. | |
| Benjamin Franklin | Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote! | |
| Benjamin Franklin | Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. | |
| Viktor Frankyl | Freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West coast. | |
| Kevin Freels | Isn't it wonderful to live in a country where anyone can grow up to sleep with the President? | |
| Milton Friedman | If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert,
in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. | |
| Marshall Fritz | Some want prayer in school, some want condoms. Printing prayers on condoms satisfies nobody. | |
| John Kenneth Galbraith | Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable. | |
| John Kenneth Galbraith | You will find that the State is the kind of organization which, though it does big things badly, does small things badly, too. | |
| Gallagher | I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work. | |
| Mahatma Mohandas K. Gandhi | I think it would be an excellent idea. | |
| Brendan Gill | Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. | |
| John Gilmore | Truth: the most deadly weapon ever discovered by humanity. Capable of destroying entire perceptual sets, cultures, and realities. Outlawed by all governments everywhere. Possession is normally punishable by death. | |
| Arthur Godfrey | I'm proud to pay taxes in the United States; the only thing is, I could be just as proud for half the money. | |
| Jo Godwin | A truly great library contains something in it to offend everyone. | |
| Bobcat Goldthwait | America's one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. | |
| Paul Goodman | Few great men could pass Personnel. | |
| Graffiti | I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. | |
| Graffiti | Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space. | |
| Graffiti | I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. | |
| Wavy Gravy | The whole earth is in jail and we're plotting this incredible jailbreak. | |
| A. K. Griffin | If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them. | |
| Emmett Grogan | Anything anybody can say about America is true. | |
| Texas Guinan | A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. | |
| Larry Hardiman | The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites.' | |
| Lucille S. Harper | The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. | |
| Robert A. Heinlein | ...[A] fool cannot be protected from his folly. If you attempt to do so, you will not only arouse his animosity but also you will be attempting to deprive him of whatever benefit he is capable of deriving from experience. Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig. | |
| Heisenberg | There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them. | |
| Hazel Henderson | The problem is, of course, that not only is economics bankrupt but it has always been nothing more than politics in disguise ... economics is a form of brain damage. | |
| Cullen Hightower | The mistakes made by Congress wouldn't be so bad if the next Congress didn't keep trying to correct them. | |
| Cullen Hightower | Talk is cheap -- except when Congress does it. | |
| Eric Hoffer | You can never get enough of what you don't really need. | |
| David Horowitz | In Washington, of course, evading responsibility is an art form, so it is not always easy to tell who's responsible for which mess. | |
| Edgar Watson Howe | I express many absurd opinions. But I am not the first man to do it; American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense. | |
| Elbert Hubbard | Parties who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of a field in hope that the cow will back up to them. | |
| Elbert Hubbard | Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day;
wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. | |
| Frank McKinney Hubbard | Honesty pays, but it don't seem to pay enough to suit some people. | |
| Frank McKinney Hubbard | Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. | |
| Kin Hubbard | Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. | |
| Thomas Henry Huxley | ...a man's worst difficulties begin when he is able to do as he likes. | |
| Eric Idle | At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy is to function in some way as a safety release then it must obviously deal with these taboo areas. This is part of the responsibility we accord our licensed jesters, that nothing be excused the searching light of comedy. If anything can survive the probe of humour it is clearly of value, and conversely all groups who claim immunity from laughter are claiming special privileges which should not be granted. | |
| Joseph Henry Jackson | Did you ever hear anyone say, “That work had better be banned because I might read it and it might be very damaging to me.” | |
| Thomas Jefferson | No man will ever bring out of the Presidency the reputation which carries him into it. | |
| Alice Kahn | For a list of all the ways
technology has failed
to improve the quality of life,
please press 3. | |
| Garrison Keillor | My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time. | |
| John Maynard Keynes | Government machinery has been described as a marvelous labor saving device which enables ten men to do the work of one. | |
| John Maynard Keynes | Government machinery has been described as a marvelous labor saving device which enables ten men to do the work of one. | |
| John Maynard Keynes | The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward. | |
| Kingfish | All I kin say is when you finds yo'self wanderin' in a peach orchard, ya don't go lookin' for rutabagas. | |
| Michael Kinsley | Anything that keeps a politician humble is healthy for democracy. | |
| Henry Kissinger | Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad name. | |
| Charles Lamb | I am determined my children shall be brought up in their father's religion, if they can find out what it is. | |
| Richard Lamm | Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it.
Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. | |
| Edward Langley | What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. | |
| Stanislaw Jerszy Lec | The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. | |
| John Lehman | Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. | |
| Pierre Lemieux | [R]evenues drive expenditures, not the inverse. ... tax evasion represents a net benefit to everybody ... A statue should be erected to the unknown tax evader. | |
| Jay Leno | Did you hear that we're writing Iraq's new Constitution?
Why not just give them ours? We're not using it anymore. | |
| Oscar Levant | I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.' | |
| C. S. Lewis | A little lie is like a little pregnancy: it doesn't take long before everyone knows. | |
| G. Gordon Liddy | A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. | |
| Abraham Lincoln | I have been told I was on the road to hell, but I had no idea it was just a mile down the road with a Dome on it. | |
| Abraham Lincoln | How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. | |
| Russell Long | Democracy is like a raft. It won't sink, but you'll always have your feet wet. | |
| Harold Lowman | Politicians say they're beefing up our economy. Most don't know beef from pork. | |
| Bill Maher | We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. | |
| Norman Mailer | The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. | |
| Groucho Marx | Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others. | |
| Groucho Marx | The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. | |
| Groucho Marx | There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook. | |
| William Gibbs McAdoo | It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument. | |
| Eugene McCarthy | Being in politics is like being a football coach.
You have to be smart enough to understand the game,
and dumb enough to think it's important. | |
| Gail W. McGee | I’m going to introduce a resolution to have the postmaster general stop reading dirty books and deliver the mail. | |
| Al McGuire | I think the world is run by 'C' students. | |
| H. L. Mencken | The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. | |
| H. L. Mencken | We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. | |
| H. L. Mencken | It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. | |
| H. L. Mencken | The men the American people admire most extravagantly are the greatest liars:
the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth. | |
| H. L. Mencken | The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule -- and both commonly succeed, and are right. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Whenever 'A' attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon 'B', 'A' is most likely a scoundrel. | |
| H. L. Mencken | No one ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. | |
| H. L. Mencken | The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think. | |
| H. L. Mencken | For every problem there is one solution which is simple, neat, and wrong. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods. | |
| H. L. Mencken | It is the theory of all modern civilized governments that they protect and foster the liberty of the citizen; it is the practice of all of them to limit its exercise, and sometimes very narrowly. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurence of the improbable. | |
| H. L. Mencken | Judge: a law student who marks his own papers. | |
| H. L. Mencken | All I ask is equal freedom. When it is denied, as it always is, I take it anyhow. | |
| H. L. Mencken | All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. | |
| Dennis Miller | The biggest conspiracy has always been the fact that there is no conspiracy. Nobody's out to get you. Nobody gives a shit whether you live or die. There, you feel better now? | |
| Olin Miller | To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it. | |
| Wiley Miller | Welcome to the U.S. Capitol: Watch for falling expectations. | |
| Zell Miller | You won't find average Americans on the left or on the right. You'll find them at Kmart. | |
| John Viscount Morley | When it is a duty to worship the sun it is pretty sure to be a crime to examine the laws of heat. | |
| Zero Mostel | The freedom of any society varies proportionately with the volume of its laughter. | |
| Maureen Murphy | The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. | |
| Edward R. Murrow | The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer. | |
| Alfred E. Newman | Crime does not pay...as well as politics. | |
| Friedrich Nietzsche | In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point. | |
| Richard M. Nixon | If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? | |
| Richard M. Nixon | It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any over-large concentration of like-minded individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | A nation with a goofy foreign policy needs a very serious policy of defense. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | The Tenth Commandment sends a message to socialists, to egalitarians, to people obsessed with fairness, to American presidential candidates in the year 2000 -- to everyone who believes that wealth should be redistributed. And that message is clear and concise: Go to Hell. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | When buying and selling are controlled by
legislation, the first things to be bought and sold
are legislators. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | Now majority rule is a precious, sacred thing worth dying for. But, like other precious, sacred things…it’s not only worth dying for, it can make you wish you were dead. Imagine if all life were determined by majority rule. Every meal would be a pizza. | |
| P. J. O'Rourke | Giving money and power to government is like
giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. | |
| George Orwell | Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows. | |
| Ovid | Video meliora, proboque; Deteriora sequor. (I see the better way, and approve it; I follow the worse.) | |
| Van Panopoulos | Capital punishment is when Washington comes up with a new tax. | |
| Pat Paulsen | Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. | |
| Pat Paulsen | All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian. | |
| Lester B. Pearson | Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. | |
| Pericles | Just because you do not take an interest in politics
doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. | |
| Laurence J. Peter | Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame. | |
| Michael Pierce | Socialism is after all, the Viagra of politics... | |
| Paula Poundstone | The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. | |
| The Punisher | A deranged psychopath is no match for a well-focused psychotic. | |
| Dan Quayle | I believe we are on
an irreversible trend toward
more freedom and democracy.
But that will change. | |
| John Randolph | We all know our duty better than we discharge it. | |
| Ronald Reagan | Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. | |
| Ronald Reagan | The taxpayer; that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn´t have to take a civil service examination. | |
| Ronald Reagan | Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. | |
| Ronald Reagan | Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. | |
| Ronald Reagan | Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. | |
| Ronald Reagan | Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. | |
| James Reston | A government is the only vessel known to leak from the top. | |
| Georges Ripert | We continue to claim that nobody is supposed to ignore the law. But we must give some credit to those who know it. | |
| Tom Robbins | Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. | |
| Anita Roddick | If you think you're too small to make a difference, you haven't been in bed with a mosquito. | |
| Will Rogers | Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. | |
| Will Rogers | I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father'. | |
| Will Rogers | Hurray! Congress is to adjourn! Only four more days of Congressional burglary on the Treasury! | |
| Will Rogers | There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. | |
| Will Rogers | A foreigner coming here and reading the Congressional Record would say that the President of the United States was elected solely for the purpose of giving Senators somebody to call a horse thief. | |
| Will Rogers | Elections are a good deal like marriages, there's no accounting for anyone's taste. Every time we see a bridegroom we wonder why she ever picked him, and it's the same with Public Officials. | |
| Will Rogers | That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for -- to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury. | |
| Will Rogers | There is good news from Washington today. The Congress is deadlocked and can't act. | |
| Will Rogers | You shake a slogan at an American and it's just like showing a hungry dog a bone. | |
| Will Rogers | Diplomacy is the art of saying nice doggy until you can find a rock. | |
| Will Rogers | Income taxes have made more liars out of the American people than golf. | |
| Will Rogers | Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth! | |
| Will Rogers | I don't make jokes -- I just watch the government and report the facts. | |
| Will Rogers | The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. | |
| Will Rogers | One of these days they are going to remove so much of the 'hooey' and the thousands of things the schools have become clogged up with, and we will find that we can educate our broods for about one-tenth of the price and learn 'em something that they might accidentally use after they escape. | |
| Franklin D. Roosevelt | The saving grace of America lies in the fact that the overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities -- a sense of humor and a sense of proportion. | |
| Theodore Roosevelt | When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'present' or 'not guilty.' | |
| Bertrand Russell | What's the difference between a bright, inquisitive five-year-old, and a dull, stupid nineteen-year-old? Fourteen years of the British educational system. | |
| Bertrand Russell | When the state intervenes to insure the indoctrination of some doctrine, it does so because there is no conclusive evidence in favor of that doctrine. | |
| Willy Russell | I pray that no child of mine would ever descend into such a place as a library. They are indeed most dangerous places and unfortunate is she or he who is lured into such a hellhole of enjoyment, stimulus, facts, passion and fun. | |
| J. D. Salinger | Morons hate it when you call them a moron. | |
| Robert Schaeberle | If we can ever make red tape nutritional, we can feed the world. | |
| Eric Schaub | If you want to know the big 'T' Truth,
tell the little 't' truth without fail.
Then listen closely to what you say. | |
| Eric Schaub | The more I truly learn, I realize the less I truly know. | |
| Charles M. Schulz | Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Lack of money is the root of all evil. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | A socialist is somebody who doesn't have anything, and is ready to divide it up equally among everybody. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact than a drunken man is happier than a sober one. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. | |
| George Bernard Shaw | A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. | |
| Henry Wheeler Shaw | Liberty, like chastity, once lost, can never be regained in its original purity. | |
| Harry Shearer | If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? | |
| Solomon Short | Truth never tranquilizes. The defining property of truth is its ability to disturb. Jesus only told half the story. The truth 'will' set you free. But, first it's going to piss you off. | |
| Homer Simpson | It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. | |
| Isaac Bashevis Singer | You must believe in free will; there is no choice. | |
| Joseph Sobran | Politicians never accuse you of 'greed' for wanting other people's money --- only for wanting to keep your own money. | |
| Joseph Sobran | All in all, the framers would probably agree that it's better to impeach too often than too seldom. If presidents can't be virtuous, they should at least be nervous. | |
| Joseph Sobran | If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal.
If you want government to intervene overseas, you're conservative.
If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate.
If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. | |
| Southern California Oracle | Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed. | |
| Thomas Sowell | Compassion is the use of public funds to buy votes. | |
| Art Spander | The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid. | |
| John Steinbeck | Man is the only kind of varmint that sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it. | |
| Casey Stengel | They said it couldn't be done but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. | |
| Robert Louis Stevenson | Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary. | |
| General Joseph W. Stilwell | Illegitimati non carborundum. (Don't let the bastards grind you down.) | |
| David C. Stolinsky | To call Congress emasculated is to insult eunuchs. | |
| Willie Sutton | It is a rather pleasent experience to be alone in a bank at night. | |
| Bob Thaves | The Senate being tied is a start. Now, if only it could be gagged. | |
| Bob Thaves | I don't know if I can live on my income or not -- the government won't let me try it. | |
| Dave Thomas | In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light,' and there was still nothing, but you could see it. | |
| Fred Thompson | After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood. | |
| Henry David Thoreau | Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. | |
| Henry David Thoreau | If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. | |
| Harry S. Truman | I never give them hell. I just tell the truth and they think it's hell. | |
| Mark Twain | There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress. | |
| Mark Twain | No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the congress is in session. | |
| Mark Twain | Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it. | |
| Mark Twain | Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing the matter with this, except that it ain't so. | |
| Mark Twain | Often, the surest way to convey information is to tell the strict truth. | |
| Mark Twain | A classic is a book which people praise and don't read. | |
| Mark Twain | Observe, I do not mean to suggest that the custom of lying has suffered any decay or interruption -- no, for the Lie, as Virtue, as Principle, is eternal; the Lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend, is immortal, and cannot perish from the earth while this club remains.
My complaint, simply concerns the decay of the art of lying. No high-minded man, no man of right feeling, can contemplate the lumbering and slovenly lying of the present day without grieving to see a noble art so prostituted. ... If this finest of the fine art arts had everywhere received the attention, encouragement, and conscientious practice and development which this club has devoted to it, I should not need to utter this lament, or cry a single tear. I do not say this to flatter. I say it in a spirit of just and appreciative recognition. | |
| Mark Twain | Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. | |
| Mark Twain | Carlye said, A lie cannot live; it shows he did not know how to tell them. | |
| Mark Twain | It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. | |
| Mark Twain | Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. | |
| Mark Twain | Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first. | |
| Mark Twain | We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. We have two opinions: one private, which we are afraid to express; and another one - the one we use - which we force ourselves to wear to please Mrs. Grundy, until habit makes us comfortable in it, and the custom of defending it presently makes us love it, adore it, and forget how pitifully we came by it. Look at it in politics. | |
| Mark Twain | Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can. | |
| Mark Twain | All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity. | |
| Mark Twain | When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. | |
| Mark Twain | We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove. | |
| Mark Twain | It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. | |
| Mark Twain | Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant. | |
| Mark Twain | I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars. | |
| Mark Twain | Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. | |
| Mark Twain | If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. | |
| Mark Twain | Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point. | |
| Mark Twain | There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. | |
| Mark Twain | I reverently believe that the maker who made us all makes everything in New England, but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather-clerks factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere if they don't get it. | |
| Mark Twain | The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. | |
| Mark Twain | If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. | |
| Mark Twain | Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it. | |
| Mark Twain | I am different from Washington; I have a higher, grander standard of principle. Washington could not lie. I can lie, but I won't. | |
| Unknown | Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it. | |
| Unknown | A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled. | |
| Unknown | Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in. | |
| Unknown | Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision. | |
| Unknown | A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. | |
| Unknown | Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. | |
| Unknown | America is the country where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks. | |
| Unknown | When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' | |
| Paul Valéry | Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. | |
| Bill Vaughan | A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. | |
| Jesse Ventura | You want to know my definition of gun control? Being able to stand at 25 meters and put two rounds in the same hole. That’s gun control. | |
| Vique's Law | A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle. | |
| Voltaire | In general, the art of government
consists in taking as much money as possible
from one party of the citizens to give to the other. | |
| Voltaire | Your book is dedicated
by the soundest reason.
You had better get out of France
as quickly as you can. | |
| Voltaire | The ideal form of government is democracy tempered with assassination. | |
| Otto von Bismarck | The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night. | |
| Ludwig von Mises | Government cannot make man richer, but it can make him poorer. | |
| George Wald | A physicist is an atoms way of knowing about atoms. | |
| Bob Wells | For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. | |
| Mae West | When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. | |
| Mae West | I believe in censorship. After all, I made a fortune out of it. | |
| E. B. White | Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. | |
| E. B. White | Commuter - one who spends his life In riding to and from his wife; A man who shaves and takes a train, And then rides back to shave again. | |
| Oscar Wilde | I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. | |
| Oscar Wilde | The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. | |
| Oscar Wilde | He hasn't one redeeming vice. | |
| Oscar Wilde | Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. | |
| Oscar Wilde | We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. | |
| Oscar Wilde | Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent. | |
| Oscar Wilde | Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others. | |
| Robert Anton Wilson | If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? | |
| Humbert Wolfe | You cannot hope
to bribe or twist
(thank God!) the
British journalist.
But, seeing what
the man will do
unbribed, there's
no occasion to. | |
| Frank Zappa | Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system.
Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts.
Some of you like pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.
Forget I mentioned it... Rise for the flag salute. | |
| Frank Zappa | In the fight between you and the world, back the world. | |
| Frank Zappa | Rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. | |
| Frank Zappa | Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. | |
| Frank Zappa | Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. | |
| Frank Zappa | Government is the Entertainment Division
of the military-industrial complex. | |
| Frank Zappa | Remember, there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over. | |
| Frank Zappa | You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -- it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. | |
| Carl Zwanzig | Duct tape is like 'the Force'. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. | |
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