Humor Quotes / Quotations 

Famous Quotes and Quotations about Humor

Humor Quotes 1-50 out of 372
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The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
more Douglas Adams quotes
To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.
more Franklin P. Adams quotes
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.
more Franklin P. Adams quotes
I have accepted a seat in the House of Representatives, and thereby have consented to my own ruin, to your ruin, and to the ruin of our children. I give you this warning that you may prepare your mind for your fate.
more John Adams quotes
Law logic -- an artificial system of reasoning, exclusively used in courts of justice, but good for nothing anywhere else.
more John Quincy Adams quotes
The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear.
more Herbert Sebastien Agar quotes
Congress is continually appointing fact-finding committees, when what we really need are some fact-facing committees.
more Roger Allen quotes
We stand today at a crossroads: One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other leads to total extinction. Let us hope we have the wisdom to make the right choice.
more Woody Allen quotes
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
more Woody Allen quotes
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
more Oscar Ameringer quotes
Paradise is just like where you are right now, only much better.
more Laurie Anderson quotes
All and everybody, this is my claim, fifty feet on the gulch, cordin to Clear Creek District Law, backed up by shotgun amendments.
more Anonymous Gold Miner quotes
Under every stone lurks a politician.
more Aristophanes quotes
The spectacle of a judge pouring over the picture of some nude, trying to ascertain the extent to which she arouses prurient interests, and then attempting to write an opinion which explains the difference between that nude and some other nude has elements of low comedy.
more Thurman Arnold quotes
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.
more Sir Francis Bacon quotes
Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it.
more Tallulah Bankhead quotes
Cocaine habit forming? Of course not. I ought to know, I've been using it for years.
more Tallulah Bankhead quotes
I'm a foe of moderation, the champion of excess. If I may lift a line from a die-hard whose identity is lost in the shuffle, "I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right."
more Tallulah Bankhead quotes
The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and time again that they have the management skills of celery. They're the kind of people who'd stop to help you change a flat, but would somehow manage to set your car on fire. I would be reluctant to entrust them with a Cuisinart, let alone the economy. The Republicans, on the other hand, would know how to fix your tire, but they wouldn't bother to stop because they'd want to be on time for Ugly Pants Night at the country club.
more Dave Barry quotes
As a taxpayer, you are required to be fully in compliance with the United States Tax Code, which is currently the size and weight of the Budweiser Clydesdales.
more Dave Barry quotes
I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.
more Mayor Marion Barry quotes
If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.
more Mayor Marion Barry quotes
The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.
more Mayor Marion Barry quotes
I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?
more Mayor Marion Barry quotes
Taxation with representation ain't so hot either.
more Gerald Barzan quotes
As long as I don't write about the government, religion, politics, and other institutions, I am free to print anything.
more Pierre-Augustin Beaumarchais quotes
We are all born mad. Some remain so.
more Samuel Beckett quotes
Politics is the art of looking for trouble,finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
more Ernest Benn quotes
If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.
more Yogi Berra quotes
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
History is an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Heathen, n. A benighten creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
more Ambrose Bierce quotes
Where there is money there is no art.
more William Blake quotes
The entire world economy rests on the consumer; if he ever stops spending money he doesn't have on things he doesn't need -- we're done for.
more Bill Bonner quotes
We must abandon the prevalent belief in the superior wisdom of the ignorant.
more Daniel Boorstin quotes
Bureaucracy is the epoxy that greases the wheels of progress.
more Dr. Jim Boren quotes
Public apathy is more powerful than public opinion. There's more of it.
more Dr. Jim Boren quotes
Every bureaucrat has a constitutional right to fuzzify, profundify and drivelate. It's a part of our freedom of speech...If people can understand what is being said in Washington, they might want to take over their own government again.
more Dr. Jim Boren quotes
When in charge, ponder... When in trouble, delegate... When in doubt, mumble.
more Dr. Jim Boren quotes
Reality is not always probable, or likely.
more Jorge Luis Borges quotes
Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
more James Bovard quotes
Suppose they gave a war, and nobody came? Why then, the war would come to you!
more Bertolt Brecht quotes
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