Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
An election is nothing more than the advanced auction of stolen goods.
Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
History is an account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
Vote: The instrument and symbol of a free man's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.
Optimism: The doctrine that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly, everything good, especially the bad, and everything right that is wrong. ... It is hereditary, but fortunately not contagious.
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Heathen, n. A benighten creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
Diplomacy: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind... Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.