America has a very unique record. We never lost a war or won a conference...
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Farmers, get out your sense of humor! Congress meets to relieve you again next week.
I'm not a member of any organized political party. I'm a Democrat.
I bet you, if I had met Trotsky, and had had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I have never yet met a man I didn't like.
I doubt if a charging elephant, or a rhino, is as determined or hard to check as a socially ambitious mother.
I see where they are going to be more strict with these robbers; when they catch 'em from now on, they're going to publish their names.
If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone, 'America died from a delusion that she has moral leadership'.
It sure did kick up some excitement in the Senate when one Senator called the other Senators 'sons of Wild jackasses.' Well, if you thought it made the Senators hot, you wait till you see what happens when the jackasses hear how they have been slandered.
Of course nothing is ever done about a [presidential] commission report, except, they say, once a man at the state prison for the criminally insane actually read one once clear through. Then he did something about it. He made a bonfire that lasted a week.
Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.
The United States investigates everything -- usually after it's dead.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
There is two types of Larceny, Petty and Grand. They are supposed to be the same in the eyes of the law, but judges always put a little extra on you for Petty, which is kind of a fine for stupidness.
This stuff they are talking here in Congress costs the people of the United States $44 a page. That's beside what it costs to ship it to the asylums where it's read.
Those tax-exempt bonds were put in so that a town or a state or a government could sell more bonds than it ought to.
Tomorrow is Labor Day, I suppose set by Act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by, or against, Acts of Congress. How Congress knew anything about Labor is beyond us.
We are always yapping about the 'Good Old Days' and how we look back and enjoy it, but I tell you there is a lot of hooey to it. There is a whole lot of all our past lives that wasn't so hot.
We are the only nation in the world that waits till we get into a war before we start getting ready for it.